I know déjà vu is a genuine feeling everyone experiences, but it has become stronger than that as of late. Anymore, it feels like every day is the exact same, that every moment has been lived before. It’s not just that I get out of bed and follow my morning routine, it’s that the feeling I have, in my chest, while boiling my tea and rinsing my face and eating my fruit, is identical to how I felt the morning before and the morning before that. I’m almost without emotion, completely, and without desire to see what the upcoming day holds, for sure.
But how am I to break the cycle?
Life is mundanity. It is monotony. I know. That’s what it is to be alive in the 21st century. How else do I say it? We go to work, cook dinner, spend our evenings doing the same hobbies, come home to the same person… All this is essential. It’s a wonderful thing to have these familiar comforts. Too often, however, we let it become boring, suffocating, and restricting.
But, again, how can the perpetuity of sameness be broken?
One might say that a person must always have something to look forward to: a trip, a hobby, goals, time spent with a loved one. But I must then ask if this is not a way of escaping the present. We look to the future in order to cope with the present, but the future never comes. It is always the present. In turn, we are letting our entire lives slip by. And, soon enough, we are dead in the ground.
So, somehow, we must live while alive. And not take too long in figuring out how to do just that.
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I’ve often wondered the same thing: I went through a long stretch last year where it felt that life was actually a dream. Things simply didn’t feel right. Like many who are lost, I dedicated some time to spending time in nature, reading philosophical and spiritual books, and trying to figure it out. For all that, it didn’t really matter. I feel like I’ve completed that phase now, but I learned a lot in the process. Give it time, and things might just fall into place.
Thanks so much for sharing such a vulnerable piece; it resonated with me and I’m sure that it will with many others!
Absolutely. And, honestly, it’s the little things like this, your heartfelt comment, that give the days their meaning. Glimpses of perception. It must have something to do with feeling understood, especially when those around you are in a reality different than your own.